The Perfect Son.
A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.
完美兒子
A:我有一個(gè)很完美的兒子.
B:他抽煙嗎?
A:不抽.
B:他喝威士忌酒嗎?
A:不喝.
B:他會(huì)不會(huì)很晚回家?
A:不會(huì).
B:我想你確實(shí)有一個(gè)完美兒子. 那他多大了?
A:下個(gè)星期三就滿6個(gè)月了.

Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."

 

好孩子

小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
“昨天給你的錢干什么了？”
“我給了一個(gè)可憐的老太婆，”他回答說。 “你真是個(gè)好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說。“再給你兩分錢。可你為什么對(duì)那位老太太那么感興趣呢？”
“她是個(gè)賣糖果的。”

I've Just Bitten My Tongue
"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.
"Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"
"Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "

我剛咬破自己的舌頭
“我們有毒嗎？”一個(gè)年幼的蛇問它的母親。
“是的，親愛的，”她回答說，“你問這個(gè)干什么？”
“因?yàn)槲覄倓傄谱约旱纳囝^。”

Nest and Hair
My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.
"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.
"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the child.
"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister encouraged her .
"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "

.鳥窩與頭發(fā)
我姐姐是一位小學(xué)老師。一次一個(gè)學(xué)生告訴她說一只鳥兒在教室外 的樹上壘了個(gè)窩。
“是什么鳥呢？”我姐姐問她。
“我沒看到鳥兒，老師，只看到鳥窩。”那孩子回答說。
“那么，你能給我們描述一下這個(gè)鳥巢嗎？”我姐姐鼓勵(lì)她道。
“哦，老師，就像你的頭發(fā)一樣。”

 

Bring me the winner

-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.

-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.

-- Well, bring me the winner then.

給我那個(gè)打贏的吧

-- 服務(wù)員，

這個(gè)龍蝦只有一只爪。

-- 對(duì)不起，先生，這只肯定打過架了。

-- 哦， 那給我那個(gè)打贏的吧。

 

 Dick was seven years old, and his sister, Catherine, was five. One day their mother took them to their aunt's house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes.

The children played for an hour, and then at half past four their aunt took Dick into the kitchen. She gave him a nice cake and a knife and said to him, "Now here's a knife, Dick. Cut this cake in half and give one of the pieces to your sister, but remember to do it like a gentleman."

"Like a gentleman?" Dick asked. "How do gentlemen do it?"

"They always give the bigger piece to the other person." answered his aunt at once.

"Oh" said Dick. He thought about this for a few seconds. Then he took the cake to his sister and said to her,"Cut this cake in half, Catherine.".

 

迪克年齡七歲，他的妹妹凱瑟琳五歲。一天，媽媽把他們帶到姨媽家去玩，自己就到大城市去買些新的衣服。

孩子們玩了個(gè)把小時(shí)，在四點(diǎn)半的時(shí)候，姨媽領(lǐng)著迪克走進(jìn)了廚房。她交給迪克一塊精美的蛋糕和一把刀子，并對(duì)他說：“喏，迪克，給你刀子，把這塊蛋糕一切為二，給你妹妹一塊。不過，你得記住要做得像一個(gè)紳士那樣。”

迪克問：“像一個(gè)紳士？紳士怎樣做呢？”

他姨媽馬上回答說：“紳士總是把大的一塊讓給別人的。”

迪克說了一聲“噢”。他對(duì)此想了一會(huì)，然后，他把蛋糕拿給妹妹，并對(duì)她說：“凱瑟琳，你來把這塊蛋糕一切為二吧。”

I'm Trying to Stop It

"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?"

"No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it."

“孩子，你為什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了嗎？”

“沒有，老師。可是你昨天說你告訴我的知識(shí)都是一個(gè)耳朵里進(jìn)，一個(gè)耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。”

“I'm sorry ，Madam ，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .”

“Twenty d ollars! Why ，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”

“Yes ，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .”

 

“對(duì)不起，夫人，為您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。”

“20美元！為什么？不是說好只要4美元。”

“是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四個(gè)病人嚇跑了。”