We complain about other people’s driving, smoking, taking sides, assuming too much, not listening, being moody, not doing what we want, never putting anything away.

We avoid saying how we really feel because we might offend people, lose our job, lose their friendship or lose their approval. Or we might worry that it could make things worse, creating a “them and us” situation.

Sometimes we leave it so long, it becomes too strong an emotive issue to talk about. Holding on to unexpressed feelings such as fear, anger, resentment, irritation, despair or annoyance can lead to uncontrolled outbursts of emotions, severe depression or physical illness.

People often use insults to express pent-up emotions, but insults put people down. If the purpose of giving criticism is to make them think about what they’re doing, and correct what they are doing wrong, then you need to respect their self-esteem. Knocking them down only generates a defensive reaction.

It is more constructive to develop an assertive response. Listen to what change they’re wanting you to make, ignore the put-down. Consider the circumstances or the context and use humour, it helps to put things in perspective.

pent-up a. 被關(guān)閉的，郁積的
put things in perspective 把事情辦好